Males who were sexually abused
76males sexually abused
Being a victim of sexual abuse is a life changing event especially when you are a young child . We are so young and innocent and easy to take advantage of .
This is my story I was in the scouts in the 1970s the place was Devonport Tasmania and it was the Devonport scouts scout master that sexually abused me I was only 10 and only now I'm 44 I have come forward to tell my story in the hope of helping others .
Most males never report being abused to the police, family or anyone they live about your hurt and trauma in your life and it eats away at you like a cancer .
The Fear guilt and shock go on for years and like me you are to embarrassed to even talk about it with anyone ,
The signs of sexual abuse trauma can be like post traumatic stress disorder yes like the ones that the war veterans suffer from .
For years I was like a hermit, I wouldn't like to go out I couldn't stand to be around males even the thought of getting hugs from a guy would give me the creeps .
I just watched movies at home and now play video games a lot that was my life .
My relationship with girls suffered I couldn't hold on to girlfriends for long. My whole life suffered because of all of this .
I became angry frustrated I drank too much and nobody knew about my sexual abuse because it wasn't the kind of thing one brings up especially for guys.
I used to have a few friends that would hassle me to come out with the boys to pubs or nightclubs
but I just couldn't I just wasn't comfortable to do that .
All this is very common in guys who have been a victim of sexual abuse. Back in the seventies it was quite common it wasn't
on the news much you weren't really taught stranger danger could be someone you already knew at school and people trusted people back in those days also no police checks were done not like now .
I'm married now with a wonderful Wife and family of three. I have a young son and I found it really hard to cope with my sexual abuse as he was growing up, I would push him away .
So In the end I did get help and my life has changed for the better but it's still a long painful process and it's ok to cry and to scream its all good letting go of the past get counselling go to the police report the abuse its never to late get some compensation if you can.
Don't let this thing inside destroy your life and the lives of your young ones because you are never alone although you might feel like it .
I take fish oil tablet and other natural supplements (legal ones) and do yoga (chi gung), meditation and drink Lot's of Rooibos Tea it all helps to heal you but most of all don't live with this on your own talk about it get help like I did, don't be ashamed because its NOT YOUR FAULT you did nothing wrong .
I hope this helps you deal with your inner demons like I did .
no men speak out
FOOTNOTE
To let you know I reported this to the WA Police, who forwarded to the Devonport Police in Tasmania but I felt the Devonport Police didn't even really investigate this properly. They put on a part time cop for this and I told them to check the scout hall for his name on the honour board, they never did that. They found the guy and questioned him of course he denied it all and that was it, the police told me there nothing more I could do because I was the only one that came forward. I also felt that the Tasmania scout Associated covered this up because everytime I tried to contact them about this scout master I hit a wall and never received a reply back and I know I wasn't the only that was sexually abused so if you were abused by this scout master please contact me.
Please don't let my experience put you off I waited to long but I felt better and it was part of my healing process to report this and I'm moving forward with my life .
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Tell tale signs of sexual abuse
Dont hide in the dark /abuse.trauma
Men should speak out
How do you overcome your fears?
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I am a male survivor of abuse and it's amazing how similar our behaviors are, but at the same time it's the kind of things that survivors do when they harbor this secret and don't feel safe enough to tell anyone. I'm very happy that you told your story and i'm proud to know another man willing to break the silence. We have to tell our stories so that some day no boy or man will feel that they have to be silent in order to retain their manhood or the sense of who they are. Thank You!
Yes you are so right its unreal how I thought I was alone in my feelings and action You are heroes to me thank you for shareing your comments with me
thank you Dream on It means a lot to me .
Jeremytood417@hotmail.com
I wrote a new book dealing with being a sexually abused child. I also created a new website at www.littleboybroken.net I would like to be added to your library. Details of book on website.
Thank you,
Jeremy Todd
Thank you for sharing your story! I was a nanny to a sexually abused little boy. We finally got him into counseling and away from his abuser (his dad was the abuser). I pray that others will read your hub and take strength from it. Peace.
Up until now I really hadnt read alot of storys about child sexual abuse. I was a victim as a you girl. I to had be in and out of relationships. Married 6 times and all of them failed. I reciently started seeing a counsler about my abuse. I have withdrawn from alot of things. But I hadnt realized it until now that I am working in my workbook "THE COURAGE TO HEAL WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN AND MEN OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE". When I started to answer the questions I started seeing just how much this had affected my life. Thank you for your story. You are not a victim you are a SURVIVOR. I am glad I was able to read your story and all the comment on here. Each one touches your heart as you know what they are living with first hand. God Bless you and each and every other person who deal with this demon..
thank you Jeanette for your comments I really appericate I appericate everyone comments Im glad that i can help other people here yes we are SURVIVORs .
Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. It's "interesting" that "we" (society or whoever) continue to "peg" being sexually abused as such a shameful event. It seems to be one of the last human experiences that is still shoved deep into the closet. Years ago, combat soldiers did not feel free to talk about their experiences and sometimes, we shunned them when they did talk about them. So this issue of sexual abuse is one of the last holdouts, so to speak. Unfortunately, it is one of life's experiences, and when and if it happens to you, SHOUT IT OUT. WE WILL ALL LISTEN AND CONTINUE TO WELCOME YOU AS A MEMBER OF OUR FUMBLING HUMAN RACE. There is not one special group of all together folk and then another group of "f'd up folks. We are all onboard one huge ship. It is rusty, old, leaking, and hardly seaworthy. But here we are. Some of us try to hide below deck, and we decorate our cabin as if we are on a luxury liner, but it's truly easier to let go of that front and just humbly acknowledge that we are all making our way and sometimes the way is not so pretty. My little "rant" there was not intended to minimize the shame that one does experience whether from being sexually abused or killing other human beings in the name of democracy. Again, thanks for sharing your story.
Vern
I find your courage to overcome the demon that tried to destroy you amazing!!!.
Not everyone takes the necessary steps to improve as well as move on from traumatic experiences. what's sad is they destroy their loved ones/friends and allow them to suffer due to what they have experienced. It's a blessing that you can now communicate with your son so that he wont grow up confused and bewildered due to the relationship that you had would have had with him. Growth as well as maturity can always be fruitful if you are seeking change. Best wishes to you and yours and may the remainder of your days be an asset to all who have Expereienced the Experience and will cross your path....ciao
vonda g. nelson
I too appluad you for taking a step a major step forward in your healing. Many many steps are involoved in the process and it really sucks sometimes. It can be overwhelming at times. My abuser was my brother and when I finally realized why I was so "different" and why my life sucked so bad, I was angry. The statue of limitations had passed before a law was passed in the state where it occured or otherwise I would have brought him up on charges. I told my family and became a victim all over again as they took his side and not mine. He was 16 and I was only 10. It devasted my life. I found after many years of therapy and drugs both legal and not legal that hypnosis works like a majic wand. good luck..
Thank you for your comment lvkat I totally understand how you feel you must of gone to hell and back like me it does devastate your life you deal with it but you never get over it .I wish you all the best in the future .
Wow, I really appreciate this. For some reason, in my mind I've been thinking a lot lately about a sibling of mine. For some reason, I feel that they might have been abused. I know maybe it is just how they react to things, which could only be related to accidentally finding adult movies at a young age or that maybe while visiting a friend something happened. Also, a male friend of mine... I see someone has a website, little boy broken, when I think of him, that is what comes to my mind and he has trouble, as you said, with being in relationships with women. So, this article really is making me think and am trying to be as considerate of them as I can. Your article just popped up on me thanks for writing it and being brave to set yourself free from the hurt, as you are so innocent and precious person. thank you
You are more then welcome Msgracie I really hope you can help your friend this is one of the reasons I wrote this hub to help other people as well as myself . If you need any more help please contact me .
Sure, thank you so much Mulder! :)
Thank you so much for stepping up and sharing your story with us. I have a son who was sexually abused by his step-father when he was 4. He is now almost 15 and I can tell you he has had a hard time of things growning up. Hes had to face some of my family members turning their backs on him as though he is some type of disease, he has no trust in men, lies, steals, lights fires, hurts animals and the list goes on and on. I finally managed to get him help after begging for the last 3 years to a government department, and am hopeful that he is now on the way to beginning a life where he will be ok. It is helpful to have things like you wrote on the net so that he can read it and realise he is not alone and he is going to get through this. Bless you and best of luck for your furture. Thanks.
One of the main reasons I wrote this hub was to help others people in the same situation and realize they are not alone in dealing with sexual abuse trauma it can take it toll on you physically and emotionally and all the hurt and anger takes it toll on you but you can get though all this . Im only glad I can help
thank you for sharing. I was abused too as a child (I am female).
Hi. I never thought there is something like male abused. All i though was only females were abused. I was really fascinated by the story. Want to tell my friends and for sure they would also be amazed. I never experienced any trauma in my life. My cousin was traumatized once she took a bath and someone watch him on the small whole on their bath room. She was really shock and shouted loud. She was really afraid and hours later she's afraid to all boys. Even her own father, her own brothers. It lasted for 1 year. My auntie and uncle did their best to helped her. You must also check this site http://theqigongcourse.com/qigong-for-health this may help you.
I applaud you for writing this hub. A close friend who is a man was sexually abused and I know how much it took him to talk about it. This is definitely a topic that needs to be aired so the stigma surrounding it, and the tendency to sweep it under the carpet, can be eliminated. May God/the Universe help you on your healing journey.
Thank you very much for your kind words and thoughts sacredilac .
I posted my story to
http://datingwithstds.hubpages.com/hub/OrgasmDurin
That's where I came across this particular hub, where it may have been more appropriately posted. I don't want to upset someone by cross-posting, but I will share some of the main points of my story.
I was 15 when I was raped by a woman. This happened nearly 20 years ago now. It was certainly non-consensual and traumatic (not in a violent sense) because she was on her period and told me she could have AIDs. It forced me to remain in contact with her for the next 6 months (as I was told it would take that long before they could test me for it) pleading with her to get the test, and then pleading with her to give me the results of the test. She tortured me for months, knowingly and purposefully. I ended up in psychiatric care and shared the story briefly and was called a liar by the nurses and people that were supposed to help me. I never spoke about it again, but I am grateful to my parents for believing me and respecting my wishes to stay quiet about it (especially after the reaction from the doctors and nurses).
I finally overcame my problems with the revelation that this was an event that took 15 minutes from my life. By reliving those moments I was re-creating the events in my own mind. She had nothing to hold me down after the test results came back negative and I was finally free. I was able to stop living it over and over and move on. However, there have been long-term consequences I believe relate to it.
I don't equate sex and love. I've never been able to, though at one time, before the event, I was saving myself for marriage. I understood it then I think, but I certainly don't now. Now I just have sex as much and often as I can. Many people blow this off saying "Well, of course you want sex, your a man". I just ignore it and move on. Its more than that. I think other victims/survivors may understand. I don't know. Haven't really talked about this to anyone before. I tried to once and was basically rejected.
Its strange to me that after all these years I am suddenly finding a need to discuss this. I thought I'd just post a comment on that other page and forget about it, but I'm finding that I seem to be ruminating about it lately.
Anyways, I actually wanted to ask Mulder a question. You mentioned that you have a son that you pushed away when he was very young. I want to know if you think you may discuss your tragedy with him someday when he can understand or not. This is important to me because I right now have a three year old son and I haven't spoken to anyone about this after I was rejected by the nurses and doctors as a liar. Basically there are 5 people in the world that knew about this before I posted my story: My best friend whom I've known since before it occurred, my parents (mom and dad) and brother (all of whom were present during the counseling session at the hospital where the doctor asked if I'd ever been abused and then turned around and flatly said I was lying. I could have died. And my wife. My question is again: Should I someday tell my son about what happened to me?
Thank you Kteit for your post it cant be easy for you and it takes courage to tell everyone your story and I admire you for that it part of the healing process the leting go its not easy as for your question my son is 13 now right at the ages where i was sexually abused my son knows and i have apologised for pushing my son away and I have tried to explain to him what happen he understands now and it has help me in my healing process . I cant say if you should do the same but it might help you in more ways then you know when he is older ?
Thanks Mulder. I'm just worried about my son's health in dealing with this. Maybe he can learn something from my experience that will help him to not be completely taken advantage of.
I remember feeling so dirty I took a shower for 12 hours when I got home. I just couldn't get clean. I remember being confused because I was supposed to be the man. Worse, I was supposed to want it. Worse, if I complained, she could say I'd raped her and everyone would believe that. Who would believe a woman could do this to a man?
I'm sorry this is stirring up memories I really thought I was long past. I need to go for now.
Thank you for your thoughts and time.
Thats kool mate I have felt the same Im only happy to help you get thought this .
I too had unpleasant encounters with a scout leader when I was 12-13. Went on for more than a year.
Still to this day feel the guilt and shame, even though understand not my fault.
I was one of about six or seven boys he molested, yet he was given a two year suspended sentence- shame the judicial system tends to fail the ones it needs to protect the most.
As a footnote have never had any support, apology or correspondence from the Victoria Scout Assosiation even though the scout leader, Robert Inglis, pleaded guilty.....
Shame on you Vic Scouts!
Yes its unreal mate my was the Devon port Scouts Tasmania and there was a big cover up yeah it bs on how you treated and t=you hardly get any help to .
Just double checked my facts - he abused 9 boys and was sentenced to 2 years, but one was suspended
M/F
Name: ROBERT INGLIS (VIC)
Age: 75 yrs old
Sentence: Sentenced in 1994 to 2 yrs jail/ 1 yr suspended.
Offence/Other: Ex Melbourne Scout Leader. Indecently assaulted 9 children.
I went to the Tasmania police with mine because I was the only one that came come forward they could not prove anything Thank you for comeing forward with you story Survivor
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Mulder, I am very pleased to see what you have wrote. Over the yrs i have known you, you where once a relaxed but uptight man who takes alot to heart and would get angery . You would always yell at your son and tell him off even if i had seen that he had done nothing wrong, you would yell at him and say words to him that would really hurt him and make myself angry for the way you would speak to a child. But now since you have been doing your relaxing cd's , yoga, walks, counciling and even talking about it to your family and friends you are a much more easy going person. I am now proud of you as a father to my nephew , because you now spend time with him , talk to him and play with him. because your son was becoming to emotional and now he looks and sounds to be a much happier little boy because of you making a differance in your life it shows in your children and i am very proud of you for that. You are a good man who has been through alot and have came a long way to be a much happier person in yourself , as a husband and a father. Dont ever give up, because in the end, it is only you who can make a differance. I believe you can, because you already have. Love Kerry xxx
hey babe i am really proud of you to and have noticed the same things as kerry has mentioned i know that i am always rushing around saying i am busy like old mother chook but i want u to no that you and the rest of the tribe are always on my mind and when it comes down to it i am never to be if you need to talk mum would be proud to love you ally and girls xxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you so much for both your kind words .
I also was abused as a 10 year old, by a family member who lived with us. This man was someone who was trusted to baby sit me and sadly take advantage of that. I still carry that with me. I try hard to forget (I don't think I could ever forgive) however, it creeps up on me every now and then and spirals me into depression. I went through councellors with my depression and all I could think of was the articles that showed abusee's became abuser's when they grew up. When I had children I couldn't experience that joy fully as I was constantly worried about when I would 'change' and become a monster. Finally, I worked out I was never like that, it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Knowing that you have lived it, and get past it helps me immensely. I will never have the courage to confront my abuser, he suffers medical conditions - and did at the time - that affects his memory, so I don't actually know if he remembers the abuse or not. But unfortunitly I do.
Children need to learn to speak out, but it seems so shameful to you at the time, that speaking out is an alien concept. Thankyou Mulder, you are an inspiration.
I'm touched by your comments I know it must been so hard for you take strengh in knowing you are not alone .
It takes great courage to deal with the emotions that come along with this abuse. Welcome to hubpages. You will find that this is an accepting and supportive community of writers. And yes, you are not alone.
Thank you for your comments .
Thank you for sharing your story. It is a powerful testimony to the prevalence of sexual abuse. As a female survivor, it is rare that I encounter male survivors period, not because they do not exist, as you point out, but because they are not supported to speak out. This is a crime that happens in the "dark" and unless we speak about it it will continue to happen. Your sharing helps to heal the whole world. Thank you for your courage and generosity of spirit.
with much respect, gratitude and good wishes for love and laughter on your journey
fadzo
thank you it couldnt have been easy for you either its taken me 34 years to speak out and a lot of reasearch to find out men dont come forward or tell anyone because of the shame guilt pain embassmeant . Yes I hope to help other guys and people like yourself and say enough is enough
Thank you for sharing your story and breaking the silence. Your bravery is a much needed example of how others need to come forward in order to break the cycle. You're awesome.
Thank you also for linking our video. I hope it helps others.
Wishing you peace on your journey. Namaste.
Mulder, as Cailin said, welcome and you WILL find friendship and support here. Your story was brave and incredible, and the comments -by your loved ones?- very touching. It speaks to the potential of HubPages that you have found a voice here.
I'm very proud to be a part of this blog site.
Its funny when I first decided to write this I was terrifed to see what kind of reaction i was going to get . Know I know the support from your comments have has really helped me so much and the best thing is openning the door for other sexual abuse victims to feel they are not alone .
Hi Constant Walker this hubpage is amazing i find this place quite by accident but it was meant to be I belive you are right the potential of HubPages to have a voice and help other people is life changeing .
Thank you for your honest and heart felt comments. I specialize in infidelity and know that, in some cases, a history of sexual abuse and confusion looms large in one's inability to respond openly and with great intimacy with one's partner. Some affairs are, I believe, and attempt to reconcile, in some manner, one's history of painful sexual encounters. Be well....
Hi Robert you must do amazing job I had no idea about the effects until your comments thank you .
Hey Mulder look at the list of comments you get, WOW. Just think of the lives you are helping with your honesty and bravery. Blessings
Thank you so much Dream on .
Mulder, as everyone before me has stated, the putting it down for others to share and comment on, is most probably the hardest part. It helped you to have a closure on those episodes of your life.
May you grow stronger and feel the peace and support from all on the hub, it is amazing that there is so much carring and compasion in a single place!
Thank you just Rodney yes I have come full circle now scince writting this hub Im a change man for the better and hub pages have help me get there .
Keep it up and start to enjoy your life, you have worked hard to get this far, so live and enjoy.
Thank you Just rodney I will .
Hey folks, I just wanted you all to know that my book is now a free ebook and can be downloaded on my website at www.littleboybroken.net, Thank you!
Jeremy Todd
thank you Jeremy .
well i just wanna ask you guys if u felt like u r gay because of ur abuse. As for me I was abused when I was 8 years old I never new what It meant But He did it for so many times and told me not to tell any one. I thought that sex was like that and he use to tell me that I liked it and I never told any one until now. After that I thought if I give my body to men they will like me and I did a lot times. You wouldn't believe me but men start to abuse me when I was 3 and half. that is one neighbor boy asked me to take off my cloths and lie for him and run and told my Dad. that my dad tried to kill him but after that men older than me abused me many times and now I live with that and I act in gay sex and feel guilty about my self and I need help from you gys
Hi Jonathan first I feel your pain it sounds like you have been though hell and yes you do wonder am I gay ? well I did for a while am I gay ? well I know I'm not but you get confused about sex and I found trouble with my sex for a long time . Have you tried counseling or to get help though therapy ? knowing you are not the only one helps a lot and you can start the healing process .It cannot be easy for you please read my other hubs to get help .
take care
Decrescendo 3 years ago
Wow this is a serious health condition. Thanks for the tip.